I recently sat down with myself to ask a few questions about life, love, and the pursuit of passions. Excerpts from my interview follow:
Today July 27, 2009
I recently turned 25 which has made me reflect upon my time spent, thus far, upon this earth. I wonder if have I used it wisely…
I have no life goals or ambitions
I have dreams and aspirations.
I emanate restlessness and am self aware.
Statement: Here is a question.
Question: What should I do with my life?
Question: What makes me happy?
Answer: I am most happy when I make others smile, feel happy, or uplifted, when I help others achieve a significant personal goal or aide in the progression of individual or communal growth. I am happy most when I have served as an inspiration to achieve growth.
Question: What are my passions?
Answer: Social Justice, equality, creative expression, music, performing, drama
Question: Am I satisfied with my current position/ state in life?
Answer: As I stated before, I am in a consistent state of restlessness, therefore I may never be fully satisfied with my current position due to a continual desire for improvement and growth.
Question: What steps do you feel you need to take in order to achieve satisfaction, or at least a sense of progress, in developing your growth as a human being and your ability to impact others in the manner in which you stated earlier?
Answer: You mean, in order to help others grow, serve an in inspiration, and make them smile or laugh and all that?
Question: (Laughs) Exactly.
Answer: Well, that’s a pretty lofty question, but to answer you as directly as possible I feel it would be wise to examine my abilities, not only my strengths but especially my weaknesses, and constantly question and challenge myself towards action. I feel that one of my major weaknesses is my lack of action in pursuing my passions. As a result, I leave myself feeling guilty and inevitability unhappy due to my circumstances. I can’t quite place where my reluctance stems from, whether it be fear (of many things) or simply the daunting challenge of personal transformation. I think awareness, of which I fully possess, is a very important first step in overcoming the “hump” if you will. Once I embrace my strengths and weaknesses, I should use them to catapult myself in a more personally fulfilling direction. I chose the word catapult because it is a direct reflection of how I feel right now. I want to fly through the air at an alarming pace and reach my destination as soon as possible.
Question: Doesn’t that seem a little unrealistic?
Answer: (Laughs) Well, yes and no. I realize that even though I strongly desire to reach my destination as quickly as possible, timing is infinitely important as are developing the strategies used to get there. The experiences had in limbo are all apart of the process. I guess it would depend on how well all of these elements work in tandem to create the circumstances for progress. If the opportunity presented itself, tomorrow that may be the right time to go for it. If the opportunity does not present itself until six months from now…well that is something that I must be prepared to endure.
Question: Has endurance played a key role in your life?
Answer: I would say that I have conditioned myself to endure. That I could say for certain. Endurance has been a strong point for me. It’s like my exercise routine, I work really hard at running and staying in shape for a segment of 6 to 9 months. I build up a great amount of endurance. I find that I can last longer running a slow or moderate pace than if I try to sprint to the finish line. Eventually, I get board with the same old routine and don’t plan ahead for a super fun activity to keep myself excited and interested. Then I fall off of my routine all together and all of the endurance that I have worked so hard to build up, is lost again. And it’s really tough to get back into it, you know? I would say that I have gone through 3 or 4 major cycles like this beginning in college up until now.
Question: Sounds like a vicious cycle.
Answer: (laughs) I wouldn’t necessarily call it “vicious”. It’s definitely unproductive and doesn’t create the circumstances for progress.
Question: What would you say “creates the circumstances” for progress?
Answer: I would go back to what I outlined before, which would be to constantly question and challenge and strive towards action. It’s more of a constant examination and re-examination of everything, but the most important thing it to take small steps towards action, everyday. Each day should represent progress towards something. Even if small or seemingly minute, eventually the conditioning will lead to bigger and loftier steps towards achieving your goals, much like getting back into running or exercising. I wouldn’t go out right now and try to run five miles if I haven’t been running for over six months. I would go out and see if I could make it around the block first!
Question: (Laughs) It seems like to have the principles pretty well figured out by now. What would you say are other key factors in achieving fulfillment and satisfaction with your life?
Answer: Well, besides that very fundamental and primal step to “act” ..you know, actually do something about it, I would say it is important to build and cultivate relationships with people. It’s important to listen and try to empathize as much as possible and it helps you get a better sense of their needs as well… Maybe that act, in itself, is a form of progress…who knows? My hope is that we all are constantly learning from one another. I feel that it directly impacts growth.
Question: Where is the lesson in all of this? What is the one thing you would want people to take with them from reading this?
Answer:The most important thing to take away from any of this would be action. That’s where I am right now, struggling to act. The desire is infinitely there, inside of me. Act more and the reactions will follow.